This is something that I wrote yesterday as I was pondering Christ and his birth.
December 25, 2008
I think that it is time for me to start taking RCIA classes and get baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church. There is not much else to wait for. My eyes have seen, my ears have heard and my heart has been opened. I have learned about the ones I had persecuted, and like Paul, I met Jesus. When I look back over this year, I realize what a huge year it was. From TCX and the courage I got to follow God to southern California, to the renewed commitment I made to God in San Diego, to the strong trust I have built on Jesus, to my interest in the Church and decision to convert, 2008 has been the greatest year of my life. As 2009 dawns, I see hope, new light, and endless grace as I dive into the holy and apostolic catholic church and the communion with all of God’s saints.
At the same time that I feel like I should join the Catholic Church as soon as I get back to Fargo, part of me feels like I should wait. I feel like maybe I haven’t given it enough time. It has only been three months, and the change has been so big. Yet, I feel God leading me this way, so what excuse do I have not to abide? Why should I wait? Along with this thought and decision comes the very real “issue” of talking to my friends about this major decision. I know that there are two people at least who will be supportive, but there will also be people opposed to it.
Then there is this deep fear in me that perhaps I am only choosing to be Catholic to “impress” Megan and Andy or because I want to do the unpopular thing to look good, or because I like the extreme structure and rhythm of the Church, not because I believe it is truth. I mean, I am fairly confident in it, but should I be? I need to remember, though, that if I cannot trust the Catholic Church then I cannot trust any church. And if I can trust the Catholic Church, all other churches are sub-par and are missing something. If Christ is not powerful to protect the Catholic Church and lead her in truth, then he surely isn’t powerful to protect the Lutherans, Baptists, Methodists, or any other church that is out there. Logic leads me to the Catholic Church, scrutiny of their beliefs against the Bible, and trust in my precious Savior confirms it.
So, when I return to Fargo, I will return with the intent to become Catholic, the intent to initiate the process. the intent to talk to people in church, to fend off the attacks of friends, and drink in the support of those who will. Most importantly I will submit to the Holy Spirit, to my Savior, and to my Creator. God was wise enough to make me, loving enough to save me, and great enough to guide me. What really helps me to set aside fear and doubt is the comfort of knowing that I will spend the rest of my life as a member of the longest standing institution of the present day, partaking in the rites of hundreds of generations of Christian believers. This is the biggest, most important, and best decision of my life.