Monthly Archives: December 2010

I hope you’re Christmas Octave has been great. I came back to Fargo a few days ago to settle into my new living situation. It’s hard to believe that yet another year has gone by. It’s hard to believe it has now been two years since I was at my last TCX with Cru, hemming and hawing over how to tell my friends I was going to become Catholic. It’s hard to believe that one year ago I was in Orlando and tonight I’m sitting in the middle of a blizzard in Fargo. I’m glad, though, that this year is over, as good as it was. I’m ready for another new beginning. I’m ready to put my hand to the plow, to not look back. I’m ready to forge a new resolution. I’m very ready to put my penance of abstaining from alcohol down and eager to pick up my new penance of abstaining from facebook. That’s right, this here is going to be a facebook free zone for 365 days! Can I do it? It doesn’t matter. I said I would, so I will. I have to. It’s not for me, its for my family.

Anyways, I should probably go turn the heat up and put on some coffee because its getting windy and its getting really cold. I hope you have a blessed New Year!

There are five important aspects to having true and real devotion to Mary, the Mother of God.

1. Interior: devotion to the Mother of Jesus must flow from the heart and the soul. It is more than an external show. It’s more than just praying a rosary every day, but loving Mary and Jesus so much that it causes you to pray a rosary every day.
2. Tender: like a child, it is a simple and pure trust in Mary for all of your needs. A child trusts that their mother will be there when they fall, when they hunger, when they tire, when they accomplish something, when they are joyful. We must have this childlike trust in Mary.
3. Holy: exhibited by blind obedience to Mary, which is blind obedience to Christ because she says, “Do whatever he tells you.” It should lead one to holiness, to a state of grace, to avoidance of sin.
4. Constant: it strengthens the soul in its fortitude and devotion to spiritual exercises and practices. It is not easily forgotten or abandoned.
5. Disinterested: the soul becomes so disinterested in itself and in the world, only seeking satisfaction in God and in God through his Mother.

Unfortunately, I’m not sure that any of these aspects are present in my devotion to Mary.

Call me Brett Favre because I have once again come out of retirement. If I am counting right, this is my third stint. Yes, that’s right, I prayed about it, weighed out all of the benefits, and still couldn’t come up with an answer. It wasn’t until someone tried to stop me with the excuse, “Don’t worry, God will provide the money you need,” that I realized that this is God’s provision. He is providing for me when I need some serious assistance. How could I reject his provision? Who’s to say that he would provide a second way? And so, I realized that becoming an RA one last time is an answer to many prayers, both my own and others: its an answer for ministry, and its an answer for finances. So I did the crazy thing and quit my janitor job which I loved, and going back to the job that I hated to love and loved to hate.

I am faced with an extremely tough decision. Extremely tough.

Back when the semester was beginning, I went through this phase of resident assistant withdrawal. I wanted nothing more than to be back in my old dorm being an RA again. I went as far as taking the Director of Residence Life’s advice about submitting an application “just in case” when I heard a rumor that someone was losing their RA position. That was September. Nothing came of it, and I became very thankful because I have come to quite enjoy my job as a custodian. There are some issues, though. Mostly, its money. Money is very very tight. When I say “very” I mean, extremely tight. That’s actually the only issue. The hours are few, but flexible. I don’t have any limitation on my weekend movement. Most of all, working for the Newman Center allows me to make it to Mass everyday, and to always be able to serve Mass on Saturdays.

So last week I was thinking about how thankful I was that I never ended up getting a callback or an interview for an RA position. The next day I got a message on my phone; one of the hall directors on campus wanted me to come in and interview for a position in his building that was opening up for spring semester. I thought about it briefly. I promptly dismissed it. I never called back because I didn’t want the job. Then, this evening, a different hall director, my old hall director left me a message because he has an opening in the springtime and he wants me to fill it.

Suddenly I found it harder to pull away. I saw my old stomping grounds of 4 years. I saw the free food. I saw the free room. I saw the dozens of guys who would be living on my floor. I saw an opportunity to have a better influence. I saw the awkward relationships I have with my current roommates. I also saw though having to quit my janitor job. RAs cannot have outside jobs. I saw my nights fill up again with meetings and duty and mail. I saw my weekends going down the tube as residence life takes over my life. I kind of decided I didn’t want it.

But then, then I found out where in my old dorm I would be placed, on the same floor as the RA I’ve been trying to get to return to the Catholic Church! What are the odds (1 in 6 really, but still). I thought about what my discipler said when I resigned from FOCUS (did I forget to mention that I discerned out of FOCUS?), that I need to find a new ministry spot, Jesus won’t let me go without it. So I wonder if I’m not called to go back there.

And so that is my decision. Am I motivated by finances? Or am I motivated for a remotely possible conversion of my friend? Would I be motivated for the new job? Or am I motivated because I currently hate my present living conditions? Do my motivations matter at all? What is God’s will? That’s what I need to know, what I need to figure out. I don’t have a lot of time. I have to figure this out soon.

Mary, Help of Christians, pray for me.

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Awhile back, in September, I had filled out an application for an RA position because I had heard a rumor that one was opening up. I thought it would solve my problems. I never got a call back, and I came to be thankful for it. A few nights ago I thought about how glad I was that I never got a callback. I love my job as a janitor, and I think that great blessings are coming from it. Then, the very next day, I get a voicemail while I’m in class from one of the Hall Directors, asking me if I’d like to come in for an interview for a position opening up next semester.

I haven’t called him back, but I know that I do not want the job. First and foremost, I would have to quit my job as janitor, and I cannot and will not do that. So, basically, case-closed. I am trusting God with this. Between janitor, giving plasma, and writing for the school newspaper, God will provide what I need. Most of all, I could never sell my soul back to NDSU Residence Life. They had it for three years, and now that I have it back, I’m much happier.