This could be the end of my college career. I don’t know. My parents tried to cosign a student loan for me, but their credit is pretty bad, and Wells Fargo wouldn’t accept it. We’ve been talking to lots of family, and no one will cosign for me. I have one option left for tomorrow, but I have little hope. If it doesn’t work, my tuition will not get paid for this semester, and I will have to drop out. Even if it does work, I still have three more semesters of school to pay for. I feel like life is caving in on me. I could have just graduated, but now, now, I’m not and I have a crap ton of school to pay for. I’m absolutely done for. I know, I should have hope, but it looks pretty hopeless right now. And once I drop out, I have six months to find a good enough job to start paying back my loans. Then I have this wasted four and a half years of college with nothing to show for it, and no diploma! This is the kind of situation I never wanted to be in, but its going to effect the rest of my life, and all the anger issues I had with my parents’ financial mismanagements I had freshman year are resurfacing because their mistakes are affecting my life. It hurts and I want to cry and I want to make them feel as bad as they can, no, worse than they ever could feel, for what they’ve done to me. I know its wrong to desire that, to will that, but its so hard to rise above it.
This summer I saw a black chasm approaching in December, and I did all I could to avoid it by pushing it back to May 2012, well, now its approaching faster than I ever imagined it would.
Lord have mercy on me.