TCX 2008. I wasn’t honestly expecting much out of it. I completely wanted to just see my friends from summer project and I wanted to spend time with my friends from North Dakota. And I wanted to just pray and study the Bible on my own during the weekend to think about and praise and worship God for all that he is working in my life. I didn’t really think that a Crusade event, which I have been rather unsatisfied with lately would be able to speak to my Catholic-thinking mind. But…I was wrong. Speaker after speaker breathed God’s word to life for me. I saw that being a disciple is being more than a follower, but becoming like the one we follow. To be a disciple of Christ means to be like him, to have my life look like his. I learned about how very real the Holy Trinity is, how awesome God is in that trinity. I saw that God has eternally existed as One God, yet by his very nature is a community, and not a community divided, but a community that is in unison with each other. Isn’t that what the Church of Christ is supposed to be? I saw in Revelation 4 the holiness of God. I saw creatures called seraphim, created to worship and praise God in holy perfection, holy creations that were still ashamed to stand before the holiness of God. God is holy and he is wrathful and a force to be fearful of. I am so so so lucky that he loves me and it is best that I do not lose sight of his holiness and that I stop treating him as a good luck charm, but surrender to his will and follow his directions verbatim. Lastly I learned what it means to be all in for God. I see the saints that have gone before, sacrificing their wants and desires and their safety to follow God, no matter what the present circumstances were, no matter what their pasts looked like. I saw men and women risk it all for the promise of God. Today they stand with God and are a cloud of witnesses cheering me on to sacrifice it all, to be all-in for Jesus Christ. If I am not all-in I am not living for the reason God created me and I would be better off non-existent. No matter how hard it is to be all-in, I have to do it. I have to live for Christ and nothing else. I need to throw off the things that are hindering, whether they are sinful in and of themselves.
I have some hard decisions before me in the next few weeks. I have to begin sharing my decision to become Catholic with my friends. How can I keep such a big spiritual decision silent and secret in my heart? In this day and age, the popular thing for new believers to do is to join whatever protestant or evangelical or whosy whatsit church is down the street from them. Rarely do you see new believers joining the Catholic Church (at least from my point of view) because of faith in Christ. Yet, here I am, at the threshold of that door. I have to start telling people, not being ashamed or afraid for what they will say to me. I also have to make some important decisions having to do with a particular friend and my inability to separate certain feelings from that friendship, making it one of those hindrances in my walk, that isn’t sin, but definitely isn’t helping me. And I need to figure out just how I am to reach my family with the gospel without turning them away like I have been lately. None of these things are easy, but like Matt Mikalatos said at TCX, if the God of the Universe had to endure hard hard stuff, why shouldn’t we expect to endure hard things as well?
Jesus, I am ready to be all-in for you.