Monthly Archives: April 2008

Could God Actually Be Hearing ME?

 

I am actually in the middle of my quiet time and I am reading from Ecclesiastes still. I was going through chapter 5, journaling along the way. When I got to verse 18, where it says, “Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him.”, I thought about how I was created to work, to do something that I enjoy, that I need to find a job I love. So I wrote “What is a job that I would love?” And literally, as soon as the last stroke of the question mark was finished, my cell phone rang, and it was a woman at the Office of Admissions at NDSU, offering me the job I interviewed for yesterday. Now I was expecting the call sometime today, so it’s not that surprising, but the way that it happened, right after asking the question, God hands me the job. I can’t help but wonder if God is telling me something about this job.

Categories: Life in Christ, Prayers, Scripture

Immersing In God’s Word

 

Something I haven’t done in awhile. I hadn’t opened my Bible in weeks. I know, I know, it’s not good to do that. Believe me, I have suffered more for it than you can imagine. So this morning I got up and grabbed my Bible and my journal and walked over to the student union and sat in there for about an hour and a half reading and reflecting on Ecclesiastes. I have to admit that I haven’t enjoyed God as much as I did this morning.

As I was journaling through each heading of the first four chapters of the book, I felt the Spirit pose 5 questions for me that I need answered.

1. Why am I attempting to do good for others if it will not be remembered? (Ecc. 1:11)
2. Why should I act wisely? (Ecc. 2:15)
3. Do I have reason to hate life? And do I actually hate it? (Ecc. 2:17)
4. What is it time for in my life? (Ecc. 3:1-8)
5. What is ‘good’? (Ecc. 3:12)

Now maybe you can’t answer 3 and 4 for me, but what about the other 3 questions, what do you think?

A few of the observations that I made today, though, were these:
1. That 2:24 and 25 are very sobering

A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?

It seems strange to me that the best I can ever do in this life is to eat and drink and enjoy my work. Seems sort of…uh…boring. But worst of all, I can’t even do that unless God puts his hands into it. Again, my image of myself has shrunken again.

2. That the very classic passage about there being a time and season for every activity under that sun reminds me about how beautiful it is to be a human being. All of the activities listed there just remind me about the realness and goodness of living the human life. And even though they aren’t all happy, fun, things, they all have their place in my life and obviously some sort of purpose.

I feel so great today after spending time with God. I forgot how amazing it is to spend time with the One who created my very being.

Categories: Scripture

Ridiculous

 

A few weeks ago it was women in the bathroom. Last night it was rollerblading in the hallway! Seriously, I am so tired of this crap! I wonder why I ever wanted to be an RA. I took the job strictly for ministry reasons, and those haven’t been all that successful. I am counting down the time until the end (21 days, 2 hours, and 57 minutes exactly).

Categories: Miscellanea

God Is So Much More Faithful Than I Give Him Credit For

 

Well, in the last week, I have received over $800 more, putting me at $1,855, leaving a mere $1,130 left. Much of this has come from a few big givers, one of them being Jackson and another being Jon’s parents. I am so amazed at the generosity of God’s children and more amazed at God’s faithfulness. In fact, I feel so much shame right now for doubting, stressing, and straying from the One who obviously loves me more than anyone else in this world does and who really wants me to glorify Him. I am so happy and I feel at peace about project.

I also decided to fly to San Diego instead of drive and I got my tickets last week. That is a big weight off and it makes it feel so much more official now. Anyway, God is big, bigger than I give Him credit for.

Categories: Summer Project

Glory Glory Hallelujah!

 

I hit the $1,000 mark for summer project yesterday! Sure, I still have over $2,000 to go, but it feels great to be into quadruple digit numbers. I am also expecting $100 more from my cousin, $100 or $200 from Jackson, something from my aunt, something from Anna, and some more from working concessions at the Fargodome this weekend when the circus comes.

There are officially 50 days until summer project begins and it is still hard for me to fathom that in 7 weeks I will be in California. This is going to be the first summer that I will be gone for such a long time (10 weeks!).

I am feeling a little bit better about the whole financial situation. I know God will make it work out. I decided that I need to stop stressing on that, and leave it to prayer and begin getting my heart, mind, and soul ready for project.

Lord, I pray that you will keep your promise and provide for me so that I can I can give back to you. I ask that you will soften my heart and my mind to heed your word and prepare me to be a great roommate and a great spreader of your word. Amen.

Categories: Summer Project

Women in the Bathroom?

 

Maybe it’s just me, but I thought that the signs on the bathrooms in our dorm said “No Women Allowed in the Bathroom.” Why is it then that I came into the bathroom at midnight to find two girls using our bathrooms. I am so glad that I only have 5 more nights of being on duty this semester and will never have to deal with this crap again.

Categories: Miscellanea

Sometimes You Realize You Are Fake

 

I can’t really say here what happened, but this week my eyes were opened to the fact that I do not live my life for Christ. If the people I know form their ideas about Christ based on my actions, I am turning more people away from Christ, than I am drawing them in. I can’t believe how much I have let God down. I am just so convicted and I feel so guilty. I want to do better. I want to change. I want to undo all the things I have done that some people don’t even know I did. I have a real loathing of myself right now because I see what I really am now, and I hate it.

I just want to wash it all away and start over once again, peel away this layer of skin. Who knows how many times I will have to lay down and allow God to peel away the ugly scales that cover my real identity in Christ? I just want to glorify God. That’s all.

Categories: Life in Christ

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